I think I have amnesia.
Pardon me; what I mean is that I am in a (technically)
self-induced amnesia-like state due to a combination of over the counter cold
medicines in the last 48 hours which have inhibited my ability to remember any
food I have consumed, conversations I have had with humans, and television that
I have watched.
I cannot remember exactly what I took while I was in the
depths of my illness, but I can tell you that if there is a way to create a
roofy-like substance from OtC cold medicines, I found it…but subsequently lost
it because… I have amnesia.
Wednesday 21:00
I have tried reclaiming my steps from the time I started
feeling ill (because I watch a lot of movies over the spread of disease
[including zombie viral takeovers] ) and I think it all began on Wednesday when
I could literally feel fever taking over my body during class…but by the time I
got home, I had walked past my roommate at least six times before I noticed he
was standing in front of me, and I just knew I was sick.
The thing about getting sick is that you usually try and
talk yourself out of it. “I’m fine. If I drink orange juice, take some meds,
and go to sleep early, I’ll be fine.” Wrong. That’s not how sick works.
Friday 14:30
I think I might have beaten this thing. I don’t really feel
that bad, right? A few meds, some tea and water, and I’m right as rain.
You could say that people meander through the six stages of
grief over a common cold, starting with denial and progressing to the
bargaining stage. I myself stay in the bargaining stage longer than the average
human… but regardless, you usually end up at acceptance once you are
bed-ridden. Somewhere between Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, I managed
to accept that I was in fact sick. I take cold medicine at school and suddenly
I know what Jesse Spano felt like on caffeine pills…but although I am
technically there in body, my mind is in a fog. I snap out of it when I realize
there is a kid in front of me in the hallway who snaps at me (with his fingers,
not a remark) like a cop doing a sobriety test. I just have to make it to the
end of the day.
Saturday 04:00
I am sick. My eyes are glued together. I can feel every
molecule in my body screaming at me to stay still, but I cannot, because I have
a fever that is burning my body through the sheets. I sit up, but immediately
feel like I have vertigo. Shirts hurt. Coughing hurts. Walking seems
impossible… but crawling? I can get down (literally) with crawling. I start to
crawl to my door and regain composure. I need water. The kitchen is only ten
feet away. I have water. I make it back to my bed.
Note to self: Someone moved the kitchen and it is no longer
ten feet away. I make a mental note to kill that person when I feel better. I
pass out.
Saturday 10:00-Sunday 10:00
I am awake. My roommate gives me cold medicine.
Somewhere throughout this twenty four hour period I end up
letting the cable guy inside to fix my cable, watch the entire season of
“Newsroom” on HBO on demand, write delirious posts to people on Facebook, and
make (what I can deduce from wrappers) about 14 cups of tea. I take more cold
medicine.
If you and I communicated during this time period and I am
still in your phone, bless you. Just bless you.
I am pretty sure I am over this thing now, but I wanted to
leave you with a moral…
The moral of the story is: you will never remember the moral
of the story to anything you discover, say, or watch when you are sick because
you won’t even remember waking up that day. For all I know, I said and did some
brilliant things 24 hours ago, but we’ll never know because I have amnesia.
* I’d like to thank the following companies/name brands for
making this all possible: Advil Cold and Sinus, DayQuil, Mucinex, Vicks Vapor
Rub, Advil PM, and Tylenol Cold/ Flu liquid syrup.
